Post by malaki thomas. on Sept 8, 2011 15:31:24 GMT -5
malaki thomas.
TWENTY-ONE. MALE. GIFTED. HETEROSEXUAL.
Alek Thomas is the kind of guy that wears leather jackets, wears glasses and drives motorcycles (or fast, expensive cars on a good hair day). He doesn't take any shit from anyone except his little brother, whom he'll do anything for. Alek won't bend over backwards for anyone else, unless there's something good in it for him. He follows the 'bro-code' religiously, but might give up a night out with them for a nice piece of ass. In school, he stood out in a crowd as the coolest, most desirable jock everyone wanted. No matter he treated girls like dirt, everyone wanted some. It was easy to be thrown into his shadow, to be forgotten when walking into the school with him. It didn't matter if you'd just stepped out of a Ferrari, and looked just as cool as him, even more muscular, it was always impossible to be noticed when standing beside Alek Thomas.
So where did I fall in here? I was that guy, Alek's little brother, who was known only because Alek toted me around behind him everywhere, there wasn't a place we didn't go together, a time we weren't conjoined at the hip. We were the Thomas twins, even though he was older than me by two years. Despite this, everyone always loved him more, and I seemed to just... fall back in the crowd. Not that I cared that much, I didn't mind being in the shadows, as long as I could still be near the light.
I can't tell you how many times I beat myself up for being second best. I always thought 'I'll always be second best, I can't do anything right, I can't be cool and hot, admired and desired.' Maybe I did settle for sloppy seconds in high school, but after I graduated two years after Alek, I tried to burst out of the slump and make my own way - not Alek's shadow. With my parent's millions behind us, I got a nice house, a fine Italian car, and eat at only the best restaurants. I surround myself in shiny, expensive possessions to stick out now - to show people I'm rich and important, not Alek's dog.
I finally got into the dating scene completely, and rocked it. I was nice and polite, generally the good guy every girl would love to be with. I met Alice, who was the kind of girl that dreamed of her perfect man. At first, she would tell me I was it, but would never elaborate on what her 'ideal' guy was, just led me to believe I could match every item on her list. We spent long afternoons entangled, dreamily talking about nothing, gazing longingly at each other for hours on end. I was happy, and I thought she was happy too.
Maybe 6 months later or so, suddenly she started growing distant. Whenever I wanted to hang out, she seemed to find every excuse under the sun to avoid our times together. We didn't spend lazy Sundays in bed anymore, we could barely even hold a five minute long phone conversation. Come to find out she was off with some hotshot, a guy who wore leather and rode a fast bike. A guy like Alek, that was dangerous and bad, but somehow attracted women like flies to honey. I even saw her dangling from his arm at one of the local stores.
Sure, I was furious. I couldn't understand why she wanted a guy that didn't even love her like I did. From what I saw, and what her friends told me when I asked, he was an absolute jerk. Then it just clicked. Girls didn't like nice guys, they didn't want a guy that was going to drive them around in a polite little car and hold out chairs for them. So I changed, I turned into Alek, but maybe I became a little worse. I've given up on manners and etiquette. I curse like a sailor, I drive as fast as I want, I smoke and drink (maybe a little too much now), and when it comes to dating I'm a way below polite. I put on the 'sexy, rough' guy exterior that I think women want now. So far, it's worked, I guess. I go through girls like fire through grass, but it's better than sticking with one girl until she gets bored and moves on to the next bastard. I don't care anymore.
I guess I still have a little bit of morals left, I won't hit a girl. Even if I'm completely wasted, I keep the anger in check. Oh yeah, the anger. After Alice, I'm a little bitter. I get pissed easily, but I can't say that I don't bring it on myself. I can be loud and obnoxious, but that's just whatever. Along with the bad taste of relationships on my tongue, I can be a little possessive with the right girl. If she's hot enough, good enough in bed, or whatever, I have been known to latch on a little too much. Sometimes I just don't want to lose a good one again, at least not while I'm still interested in her. However, after a few days I might give it up, decide I've held on long enough and need to shut her off. I don't know, there's this huge battle in me that says find the love in her. No, fuck her, walk away now. After all there's no love in relationships now, not when there's a better guy waiting around the corner.
Not that I think there's a better guy, anyways. I have become a little egotistical - I used to be good, but like I said, I'd completely given up on being nice. After getting the hottest, fastest cars and living in the biggest house, it's easy to just think so highly of myself. On the inside, I might be burning a little, as if it's all not enough. I can't get the taste of Alice's betrayal from my mouth, I keep chugging down the alcohol in hopes it'll go away, that maybe if I drive fast enough and drink enough she'll want me again. Not that crotch rocket man with his Danzig vests and asshole personality.
Maybe there's just no end to this.
(1054)
So where did I fall in here? I was that guy, Alek's little brother, who was known only because Alek toted me around behind him everywhere, there wasn't a place we didn't go together, a time we weren't conjoined at the hip. We were the Thomas twins, even though he was older than me by two years. Despite this, everyone always loved him more, and I seemed to just... fall back in the crowd. Not that I cared that much, I didn't mind being in the shadows, as long as I could still be near the light.
I can't tell you how many times I beat myself up for being second best. I always thought 'I'll always be second best, I can't do anything right, I can't be cool and hot, admired and desired.' Maybe I did settle for sloppy seconds in high school, but after I graduated two years after Alek, I tried to burst out of the slump and make my own way - not Alek's shadow. With my parent's millions behind us, I got a nice house, a fine Italian car, and eat at only the best restaurants. I surround myself in shiny, expensive possessions to stick out now - to show people I'm rich and important, not Alek's dog.
I finally got into the dating scene completely, and rocked it. I was nice and polite, generally the good guy every girl would love to be with. I met Alice, who was the kind of girl that dreamed of her perfect man. At first, she would tell me I was it, but would never elaborate on what her 'ideal' guy was, just led me to believe I could match every item on her list. We spent long afternoons entangled, dreamily talking about nothing, gazing longingly at each other for hours on end. I was happy, and I thought she was happy too.
Maybe 6 months later or so, suddenly she started growing distant. Whenever I wanted to hang out, she seemed to find every excuse under the sun to avoid our times together. We didn't spend lazy Sundays in bed anymore, we could barely even hold a five minute long phone conversation. Come to find out she was off with some hotshot, a guy who wore leather and rode a fast bike. A guy like Alek, that was dangerous and bad, but somehow attracted women like flies to honey. I even saw her dangling from his arm at one of the local stores.
Sure, I was furious. I couldn't understand why she wanted a guy that didn't even love her like I did. From what I saw, and what her friends told me when I asked, he was an absolute jerk. Then it just clicked. Girls didn't like nice guys, they didn't want a guy that was going to drive them around in a polite little car and hold out chairs for them. So I changed, I turned into Alek, but maybe I became a little worse. I've given up on manners and etiquette. I curse like a sailor, I drive as fast as I want, I smoke and drink (maybe a little too much now), and when it comes to dating I'm a way below polite. I put on the 'sexy, rough' guy exterior that I think women want now. So far, it's worked, I guess. I go through girls like fire through grass, but it's better than sticking with one girl until she gets bored and moves on to the next bastard. I don't care anymore.
I guess I still have a little bit of morals left, I won't hit a girl. Even if I'm completely wasted, I keep the anger in check. Oh yeah, the anger. After Alice, I'm a little bitter. I get pissed easily, but I can't say that I don't bring it on myself. I can be loud and obnoxious, but that's just whatever. Along with the bad taste of relationships on my tongue, I can be a little possessive with the right girl. If she's hot enough, good enough in bed, or whatever, I have been known to latch on a little too much. Sometimes I just don't want to lose a good one again, at least not while I'm still interested in her. However, after a few days I might give it up, decide I've held on long enough and need to shut her off. I don't know, there's this huge battle in me that says find the love in her. No, fuck her, walk away now. After all there's no love in relationships now, not when there's a better guy waiting around the corner.
Not that I think there's a better guy, anyways. I have become a little egotistical - I used to be good, but like I said, I'd completely given up on being nice. After getting the hottest, fastest cars and living in the biggest house, it's easy to just think so highly of myself. On the inside, I might be burning a little, as if it's all not enough. I can't get the taste of Alice's betrayal from my mouth, I keep chugging down the alcohol in hopes it'll go away, that maybe if I drive fast enough and drink enough she'll want me again. Not that crotch rocket man with his Danzig vests and asshole personality.
Maybe there's just no end to this.
(1054)
